Why Does My Comfort with Eye Contact Vary?
Below are ten theories on why, as a neurodivergent individual, your ability to make eye contact might fluctuate:
Sensory Overload: Eye contact can be overwhelming due to sensory sensitivities. If you're experiencing sensory overload, maintaining eye contact might become difficult.
Social Fatigue: Engaging in social interactions can be draining. On days when you’re feeling more socially fatigued, making eye contact might become more challenging.
Emotional State: Your emotional state can impact your ability to make eye contact. When you're anxious, stressed, or upset, eye contact might be harder to maintain.
Focus on Content: Sometimes, you might find it easier to focus on the content of the conversation rather than on making eye contact. If you're deeply engaged in what’s being said, eye contact might become less of a priority.
Contextual Differences: The context of the interaction can affect your eye contact. For instance, you might find it easier to make eye contact in a casual setting than in a formal or high-stakes situation.
Comfort Level with the Person: Your comfort level with the person you're speaking to can influence eye contact. You might find it easier to make eye contact with people you know well compared to strangers.
Cognitive Load: Engaging in complex cognitive tasks or trying to process multiple pieces of information simultaneously can make it harder to focus on making eye contact.
Cultural or Personal Preferences: Personal or cultural differences can affect how much eye contact feels comfortable or natural. These preferences might shift based on your mood or the social norms of the setting.
Physical Discomfort: If you’re experiencing any physical discomfort, such as headaches or eye strain, this can affect your ability to maintain eye contact.
Processing Differences: Autistic individuals might process social information differently, affecting how they manage eye contact. Fluctuations in processing speed or the need for more cognitive resources can impact eye contact ability.
Moreover, new research might help us better understand and assess autism by identifying a biological marker. Many people with autism find it hard to maintain eye contact, and this could be connected to lower activity in a part of the brain called the dorsal parietal cortex. The study showed that the more “intense” the autism symptoms (the higher the individual’s support needs), the less active this part of the brain was during eye contact.
How else can I ensure others that I am listening?
Communicate Awareness: Let others know directly by saying something like, “I’m paying attention even if I’m not looking at you.” This can help manage expectations and reduce any pressure you might feel about eye contact.
Use Verbal Cues: Incorporate verbal affirmations into the conversation, such as “I see,” “I understand,” or “That’s interesting.” These small verbal signals can indicate that you are engaged and processing the information.
Nod and Use Body Language: Subtle nods or leaning slightly forward can signal that you are actively listening. These nonverbal cues can convey attentiveness without requiring eye contact.
Ask Questions or Make Comments: Show your engagement by asking relevant questions or making thoughtful comments related to the topic being discussed. This demonstrates that you are following the conversation closely.
Take Notes: If appropriate, taking notes during a conversation can serve as a visible sign of your interest and focus. It can also help you remember key points and contribute to the discussion more effectively.
Summarize or Paraphrase: Restating or summarizing what the other person has said can show that you are listening and understanding their points. This technique also helps in reinforcing your engagement.
Offer Feedback: Provide feedback on the conversation by sharing your thoughts or reflections. This can help convey that you are actively processing and considering the information being shared.
Utilize Technology: In virtual settings, use video calls or chat functions to convey your attentiveness. You might use emojis or chat responses to acknowledge what’s being said.
Develop a Personal Signal: Establish a personal signal or gesture with close friends or colleagues to indicate that you are engaged. For example, a slight hand movement or a specific gesture could serve as an alternative to eye contact.
Discuss Preferences: If you feel comfortable, have an open conversation with others about your communication preferences. This can foster understanding and create a more supportive environment for you to express attentiveness in ways that work best for you.
Suggestion?